Seven

I have never had much in the way of perseverance. I am constantly telling myself that I will finish what I start, but the simple truth is that I never do. It’s really very frustrating - especially when it comes to one certain, romantically unavailable boy. He is one of the things I’ve started and I just… I can’t stop.

For example, I tell myself that I will never think of him again. At the end of the day, nothing has changed and I know that I have thought about him too much, consciously or unconsciously. That’s ok, I can live with that - I just can’t control what my mind chooses to drift off to. It’s not my own, deliberate fault.

I promise myself that I will stop saying things to hurt people. Then another night has passed and I realise that I have said entirely too much, and have not only verbally-injured someone else, but myself as well. I order myself to think of others first, to be selfless instead of selfish. Unfortunately, the first “other person” that enters my mind just so happens to be him, the annoying bastard with whom I believe I am infatuated with. This in turn breaks my previous promise not to think of him.

My lack of determination when it comes to forgetting him is a disgusting cycle. Even writing about trying to forget him destroys every ounce of self control I might have built up. But of course, I never had any in the first place when it came to him, did I?

After all is said and done and all my excuses have been made, the end result is still the same. The only thing in which I have ever really persisted and persevered in, is the act of thinking of him.

This entry was written on August 20, 2007 by Charlotte Crown. It is about/includes mentions of cycles, love. You can leave a comment, or trackback from your own site.