Seven

Not anymore and never again

When I tell myself that I never loved him in the first place, I know that I am lying. I find myself sneaking glances in his directions, I find myself trying to ask my friends inconspicuously for any information on him. I keep myself awake thinking about what could’ve been. But it’s no use dwelling on the past, so I sleep. I dream. Of him.

Isn’t it funny that when everyone else is looking for love or trying to think of ways to keep theirs and I don’t want it any longer? I don’t want to have to keep thinking about him, or what he’s doing.

I don’t want to be affected by him anymore. He blurs my vision and disables my senses.

We all know that it’s so much easier to forget people when we don’t ever have to see them. I don’t ever want to see him again. (I don’t ever want to think that something or someone bought him back to me for a reason. I don’t want to break my own spirit.)

I used to kid myself and think I didn’t love him. I used to kid myself.

I don’t love him. I don’t love him. I don’t love him anymore.

I still kid myself.

P.S. Welcome back to Seven.

This entry was written on July 16, 2007 by Charlotte Crown. It is about/includes mentions of love. You can leave a comment, or trackback from your own site.

5 responses

  1. Katie

    Reading this… blew me away. I still look for him, and I still see him on the street sometimes. For a second, I thought that you were telling me that he’s coming back.

    But then I realised that’s impossible. And I have to stop kidding myself, too.

    Thankyou.

    July 16th, 2007 at 21:25

  2. Seventeen

    I talk about my food too, it’s okay. I know how you feel.

    July 16th, 2007 at 21:32

  3. Alexander Van Zandt

    Wow.. Just, wow… *absolutely speechless*

    July 16th, 2007 at 21:43

  4. Seven » Blog Archive » Perseverance

    […] I have never had much in the way of perseverance. I am constantly telling myself that I will finish this project but the simple truth is that I never do. It’s really very frustrating - especially when it comes to one certain, romantically unavailable boy. […]

    August 20th, 2007 at 21:17

  5. Seven » Blog Archive » Found

    […] I am the only one who can save myself. I have to want to forget that boy I love one day and hate the next. I have to stop thinking that I am invincible and that everyone around me is automatically […]

    October 15th, 2007 at 19:46

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